So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
