I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
