i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think i got beer on your cat.
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