Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
