Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
