I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
