I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
did i just pee glitter
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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