I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
