batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
