I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
