Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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