He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
