My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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