You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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