I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
