I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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