remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
