I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
