You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
