Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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