I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
