if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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