this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This toilet bowl is my home.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
