This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
