My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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