No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
