seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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