You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just pynch a tree in the face
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
