I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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