I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
