that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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