Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
