Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
