he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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