yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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