Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
