its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
