Sorry, I don't speak sober.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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