I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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