shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
