Don't make out with my wife yet
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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