An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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