the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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