Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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