How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
