On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
