He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
