I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
