mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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