True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
