lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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