you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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