May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
